The boy who became silent…
Hello! I would like to share my brother’s story here. He is younger than me and had always been a very happy, mischievous child. He did not do the best in his academics- that was much to the dismay of my father. Growing up when my dad was busy making a good life for us, he might’ve not realised that being present and interacting with your children also matters as much. Oftentimes he would get so frustrated with him, he would end up hitting my brother a lot. And by lot I mean there’s been a few instances where he ended up bleeding. But it was an on and off thing and my brother seemed to have a normal childhood. It was after he came back from college, we noticed a major change. He would hardly talk unless we talked to him, liked to be on his own, didn’t have friends and avoided family gatherings. I gradually came to know he picked up a drinking habit. He used to live in the hostel with not the best company. He had his money and phone stolen a couple of times. And one of his classmates died of a drug overdose. After he came back from college, his best friend planned to go to Canada and asked him to come along. My brother approached my parents with the request and at that time my father thought he wasn’t ready. His friend left for Canada, leaving him behind and that caused him so much resentment against his family. After that he was forced to try a lot of things. He also went for a job in Pune and failed miserably there because he did not know how to interact with his peers and managers or be a part of a team. They had to let him go and he came back home. He became more aloof and just would be in his room. What always seemed to me as aloof and apathetic, it broke my heart when I once saw him have a panic attack and he cried so hard. He couldn’t take it in anymore when my father had confronted him of being a failure. I knew something wasn’t right with him, so I tried to talk to him so many times. I even took him to a psychologist, he went for a couple of sessions but never went back saying it was useless. When I went through the psychologist’s notes, I felt it was lame too. She’d just given a general advice of eat well, exercise, go out, etc. as if people don’t know about it. After that I tried convincing him to seek help somewhere, but to no success. I then got married and moved abroad. I now have a very busy life of my own and can’t follow through with my brother. He goes to work at my family business only a couple of hours per day- that too as a formality with no real productivity or contribution for the business. He hardly interacts with anyone or my parents at home. Stays in his room all day and watches tv or plays video games. He’s become apathetic and resentful against everyone around him. At times he blames my dad and the trauma for the way he is. As much as I want to help him, I have kind of lost hope because no matter what I suggest, it falls on deaf ears. He has spiralled down so hard that I now find it difficult to help him or provide solutions at all. Now we’ve just accepted him for the way he is. But it really hurts my parents and me to have that one person at home who is practically non-existent. I always long for the sibling bond which I had for a very small part of our lives, where he was a joyful, mischevious yet a very caring little boy and I hope time changes things for him. Or it might not, who knows.
Mental Health before everything else
I have different instances of my life where I’d say I have not been able to deal with my Mental Health. I come from a dysfunctional family with a lot of family drama and I am the oldest child in the house, hence there’s this unsaid responsibility that’s usually put on the elder child which affected me during my childhood as well as when I became an adult. I grew up to become a people pleaser, started doing things that would help me make more friends, started looking for love and ended up having relationships with people who didn’t really care who I was or what I was looking for. This directly or indirectly started affecting me, I started questioning my character every-time a relationship of mine didn’t work, I would then again try to find love. It is hard to learn that you are enough as you are, your love for yourself is enough and this world is a beautiful place, you do not need to please and try to fit into places you do not belong in. I still deal with very high emotions, like anger and get frustrated when things don’t work out on my behalf, but I am slowly learning to slow down and love this life as it is and work with my emotions towards my own good. Mental Health is so very important for anybody’s wellbeing, I don’t think any of us really show as much importance as it needs, we call it drama when someone breaks down, we call it laziness when someone just cannot get out of bed or be able to deal with normal daily things at all, instead of helping people work it out, directing them to take help and actually healing from within. I believe all of us at some point in our life have gone through something that would have broken us and some of us still carry it with us and it’s important that we learn how to navigate through it for a better life and better present as well as future! I am now a parent of one and I realise how important it is for a parent to be happy, for a parent to be at peace, because the impact a parent can have on a child is incredible. I now cannot imagine to break down in front of my child and lose myself in-front of my child, because all i want is for my child to feel safe and loved and All i want is for me to feel safe and loved too. Please prioritise your mental health, before everything else! Thank you :)
Owning my story…
I was five years old when I was exposed to something I didn't understand. My parents worked, so I spent my days at a creche. One afternoon, two girls kissed each other and then involved me in what they were doing. They asked me to kiss one of them and kiss her naked body. I was five. I didn't understand what was happening, and I didn't know how to tell my parents about it, so I said nothing. Years later, a female friend tried to kiss me. I remember feeling uncomfortable, but once again, I didn't say anything. As I grew older, I started noticing a pattern in myself. Whenever something made me uncomfortable, I rarely spoke up. I would adjust, accommodate and stay quiet. During my undergraduate years, there was a boy I was constantly teased with. We were never actually in a relationship, but because people kept pairing us together publicly, I eventually started developing feelings for him. Later, I found out that he had been kissing five other girls behind my back. Those girls even slapped him, apparently in my name, saying, “How could you hurt her?” Some rubbish 😂. They were really just taking out their anger on him in my name. And still, I said nothing. Months later, he apologised and I forgave him for leading me on, but those same girls then changed their story and called me desperate and a slut. He moved on with another girl, the girl he had apparently been interested in from the beginning, while I was left carrying all those labels. It was heavy. Things became even worse with my roommate. She would talk badly about me, use my things, wear my clothes and take things without asking. My parents, who worked so hard, would send me kilograms of snacks from home, and I would happily share them. My roommate would sometimes leave the food open on my bed, and I would come back to find it eaten by ants, with ants all over my bed. Eventually, she joined the others in talking about me, and I became isolated. Thankfully, some of my seniors noticed what was happening and helped me get out of that situation, and I will always be grateful to them. After all of this came the situation with my best friend. We entered a friends-with-benefits situation. He would seek intimacy from me privately, but in public he would ignore me and walk around with another girl. He could make me feel wanted when it suited him and invisible when it didn't. And I stayed. I didn't say how much it hurt or ask for what I really wanted. Things really went downhill when, on one occasion, he was high and tried to force himself on me even after I had made it clear that I didn't want it. Being high may explain his state, but it doesn't excuse what happened. Looking back, I realise how much I had learned to push aside my own boundaries. Eventually, I went through a very dark phase of depression. I was staying away from home and was surrounded by people I called friends, but I felt completely alone. At one point, I attempted to take my own life. What hurt was that I was surrounded by people who didn't seem to notice how badly I was struggling or do anything about it. For a long time, I wanted to forget that phase of my life, but my recovery started when I began looking at my past differently. I started looking at the little girl I had been with compassion. She didn't understand what was happening. She didn't know how to say no or how to speak about her discomfort. I realised that perhaps I had carried that same pattern into adulthood—staying quiet, accommodating others and ignoring my own feelings. Understanding this didn't change what happened, but it changed how I looked at myself. I started learning to forgive, let go and stop carrying the weight of everything that had happened. I am learning that my feelings matter, my boundaries matter, and that I don't have to accept something just because someone else wants it. I am much better now. Recovery has not been easy, and some days are still difficult. Some memories still hurt, but recovery is possible. It takes time, patience and immense strength to find your way back to yourself. And after everything I have been through, I don't want someone else to go through the same things alone. If sharing my story can make even one person realise that their discomfort matters, that they are allowed to speak up, that they deserve help, or that they don't have to suffer silently, then maybe everything I went through can have some meaning. I cannot change my past, but I can choose what I do with it. I am still on my journey, but I am here, and now I want to make sure that others know they don't have to go through theirs alone.